Getting honest-to-goodness is terrify . What if we could stay 21 - years - old forever ? There are plenty contraptions and substances out there which can do just that . Here are seven that will help you hold your youth . [ At least , that ’s the pitch . ]
Is your typeface not as fresh as it once was ? Those wrinkles lay down you feel previous ? You want the Baby Quasar , which rein the POWER of light-emitting diode and delivers a blow of light - thermo therapy to your face , eliminating those unsightly wrinkles . [ Translation : Congratulations , we just slang you into shinny a fucking flashlight on your face . ] $ 800
Someday a pill will be able-bodied to regrow all your tomentum . Until then , give your thinning mane the dose of pew - pew it demand to regenerate almost overnight . The magic check within Hairmax ’s 650 - 675 nm wavelength of illumination will have you looking — and feeling — like a Modern person . [ Translation : We ’re look at vantage of your stark and utter mistake of genetic science and it feel slap-up ! ] $ 545
We all run low on energy sometimes . And ugh , sinew botheration . But if you slap a Phiten necklace around your neck , its AQUA METALS will magically cure all that ails you . It ferment ! Just look at all the baseball game histrion wear out these things . [ rendering : Never has the dumb supporter platitude rung so true , or profitably . ] $ 47
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EY12BhYlreg
Fractals . lechatelierite sender rods . Bio - gumptious greening formulas . Quantum interface . Binary subsistence coding . Fractal elaboration resonation ( referred to as ONENESS by Holy men ) . Sacred geometry infusion . solmization profound shade . This , my supporter , is the arcanum to Trinfinity8 and its ability to rejuvenate your body . [ transformation : We think of this shit when we were higher than spaceman and mostly create it as a jape . Then you people begin taking it seriously . Shame . ] $ 8000
blow THIS WACKY Nipponese CONTRAPTION IN YOUR EYE FOR 10 minute A DAY AND IT WILL MAGICALLY CURE YOUR NEARSIGHTEDNESS ! ! ! WACKY ! ! ! [ displacement : We defy you to criticize our Cartesian product . If you do , we ’ll just call you a culturally hegemonist Westerner . ] $ 800
come out a DMAE pill and transmute yourself into a genial behemoth . The latest scientific inquiry suggest that DMAE is methylated into choline , which can enhance your wit ’s capabilities . Who does’t desire that ? [ version : It ’s ironical that we ’re hawking Pisces oil for the part of the consistency take to ignore through this patter , is n’t it ? ] $ 4
crop out suck , right ? What if you could workout without even MOVING ? ! Your orison have been answered friend . Just sit in theCVAC podfor awhile and allow it add blood cells and purge lactic acid as you stagnate your direction to good physical fitness . [ displacement : We have the best tennis player in the human beings stomp his means through the U.S. Open and convince this affair is the intellect why . We ’re unassailable . ] $ 75,000
https://gizmodo.com/the-egg-shaped-fitness-chamber-that-breeds-tennis-champ-5835308
Lead image viaShutterstock / Mandy Godbehear
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