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Rachel “Raquel” Levissis speaking out about what she believes led to her affair withTom Sandoval.
During an appearance onBethenny Frankel’sJust Bpodcast, theVanderpump Rulesstar opened up about the steps she’s taken in an effort to learn from her highly publicized affair, which resulted in public vitriol and the end of her friendship with Sandoval’s exAriana Madix. But before that, she opened up about the “hurt” she caused.
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Though Leviss called out the hypocrisy of her scandal with Sandoval, 40, when “almost every single one of the cast members have been in an affair,” she still recognized her faults in the matter and wanted to “take accountability.” The former pageant contender credits her time in treatment with helping her to better understand her behaviors.
“Part of the reason why I wanted to take some time away is just because it was so chaotic and loud and there was such vitriol online. But then the other part of the reason why I wanted to go to a treatment facility was to understand my behaviors,” she shared. “And my goal was to really get down to the bottom of, ‘OK, why am I choosing men that are unavailable? Why do I keep finding myself in unhealthy relationships? What are the things that I need to change about my behavior?’ And in knowing that I needed to make a change, I first had to know what it was that leads to those behaviors.”
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Leviss said she realized that “love addiction” was something she struggled with.
“It took me a while to accept, but I learned about love addiction and it’s a real thing. It’s where you confuse intensity for intimacy,” said the reality star.
“Those chemical changes in the brain are the same chemical changes that happen when you take drugs,” she explained. “So it is addictive and it explains why I couldn’t stop seeing this person — but it also doesn’t excuse the fact that it happened, but now I know better.”
Leviss said she had the option to enter treatment before the season 10Vanderpump Rulesreunion began filming, but she ultimately chose to fulfill her work obligations before stepping away. Though it took her time to warm up to the experience, she was eventually met with “grace and compassion” upon sharing her story while there. She has now reached a place where she forgives herself.
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Leviss also reflected on realizing who her actual friendships were amongst theVanderpump Rulescast, noting how she was “best friends” withScheana Shaybut not Madix. She claimed that Madix, 38, was an “acquaintance” who became a “friend.” However, she is “remorseful” for hurting Madix over the affair.
“It’s painful to think that I hurt [Ariana] in this way because that wasn’t my intention. I wasn’t trying to be a malicious person. I just got wrapped up in this and wasn’t thinking clearly. But we were not best friends,” Levis said. “I don’t expect her to forgive me. I think once trust is broken with somebody, from personal experience, it’s really hard to come back for that. And the fact that I was able to keep those secrets from her, I don’t expect her to ever forgive me.”
Going forward, Leviss said “honesty” is one of her “core values” that she will no longer compromise on. And as for how she’s been holding up overall, she noted that she’s “OK” and “hanging in there.”
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News of Leviss’s affair with the TomTom co-owner first broke in March. The scandal resulted in theabrupt endof Sandoval’snine-year relationshipwith Madix.
Madix has since told PEOPLE that the entire situation hasmade it harder for her to trust. “When this first happened, I really thought, ‘I don’t know how I can trust anyone again,” she said in May. “A friend of mine — about 10, 11 days after I found out — encouraged me not to lose that part of myself; to still see the good in people, and to trust people, and to be loyal to my friends and my relationships. And I was kind of like, ‘Yeah, I don’t know about that….'”
Madix added, “But her saying that, and hearing that from others too, has really helped me move forward. I’m getting there, at my own pace.”
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Filming forseason 11 ofVanderpump Rulesis currently underway. Though Madix and Sandovalhave been spotted filming together, Leviss has not officially returned. Previous seasons can be streamed in full on Peacock.
source: people.com
